Healing After Betrayal: How to Let Go When it Hurts the Most

By Virginia Underwood

Betrayal by someone you trusted can feel like a deep wound that refuses to heal. The pain, the anger, and the self-doubt can consume you, making it hard to move forward. If you’re struggling to let go of someone who hurt you, know that you’re not alone. Here are some steps to help you release the pain and reclaim your power.

1. Acknowledge the Pain Without Judgment

It's okay to feel angry, heartbroken, or even foolish for believing in someone who let you down. These emotions are valid and part of the healing process. Instead of criticizing yourself, try speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend: “You didn’t know. You trusted. That was brave.”

2. Express Your Emotions in a Safe Way

Bottling up your feelings only prolongs the pain. Let them out in ways that allow you to release without harming yourself or others:

Write a letter to the person (but don’t send it). Say everything you wish you could say, then burn it or tear it up.

Scream into a pillow, go for a run, or punch a punching bag—physically releasing emotions can be incredibly healing.

Journal your thoughts without censoring yourself. Let it be raw and unfiltered.

3. Understand That Closure Comes From Within

Many of us seek closure from the person who hurt us, but the hard truth is that we may never get it. Closure isn’t something they give you—it’s something you create for yourself by accepting what happened and deciding to move forward. Instead of waiting for an apology, acknowledge that their silence is an answer.

4. Shift the Narrative: You Didn’t Waste Time—You Learned

It’s easy to feel like you “wasted” time believing in someone’s lies. But every experience, even painful ones, teaches us something about ourselves. Maybe this was a lesson in boundaries, in trusting your intuition, or in recognizing red flags earlier. Instead of focusing on the lost time, focus on what you’ve gained in wisdom.

5. Detach With Compassion

Letting go doesn’t mean pretending you were never hurt. It means acknowledging the pain but choosing not to carry it forever. Try saying to yourself: “I release you from my heart. Not because you deserve it, but because I deserve peace.”

6. Focus on What You Deserve

When we hold on to someone who mistreated us, we unconsciously tell ourselves that this is all we’re worthy of. But you deserve love that is honest, reciprocated, and kind. Visualize the type of love and friendships you want moving forward and remind yourself that what you accept sets the standard for your future relationships.

7. Surround Yourself With Support

Pain feels heavier when we carry it alone. Reach out to people who uplift you—whether it’s friends, family, a therapist, or a support group. You are not alone in this, even when it feels like it.

8. Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself

After betrayal, trust in others—and in yourself—can feel broken. Take time to reconnect with yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, set new personal goals, and practice self-care. The more you nurture yourself, the less space this person will take up in your heart and mind.

9. Remember: Letting Go Is a Process, Not a One-Time Decision

You might wake up one day feeling free, and the next, the pain might resurface. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re healing. Be patient with yourself. Every time you choose to release a little more, you take back your power.

Final Thought

You are not defined by how someone else treated you. You are worthy, strong, and capable of love that truly sees and honors you. Letting go is not about forgetting—it’s about choosing yourself. And you deserve that, now and always